Adulthood, Doctor and Allah's Mercy..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

Assalamualaikum..

This week have been a very hectic week for me. Rase macam lame sangat untuk Isnin datang balik. With CRP, BHP yang tetibe macam .. erkk. With my friends kena admitted at the clinic one by one. Memula Shu, sebab typhoid. Then Zura, sebab denggi. Say what??

Yeppp. DENGGI. DENGUE. Then followed by Raja with dengue also. Tapi since klinik kat UNPAD dah full, kena refer at Hermina. Near Bandung. Or is it kat Bandung? Dunno. Lol. Then followed by Kirra. Also a dengue case. Tapi control dari rumah je because she’s not as severe as Raja and Zura. Tinggal only me and Ainin dalam rumah ni yang sihat. Tapi Ainin cakap she somewhat rase dizzy sikit. Oh no! And Zai pun start rase tak sihat. Oh no again!

And yeahh, my ma did worry bout me. A bit. Only a little bit. Haha. Sebab she knows yang aku punya imun agak mantap. Aku jarang demam. Orang kate people yang jarang demam, once dah demam, mesti teruk. Hmmm.. Not really. Sebab seingat aku, 1^st time aku demam teruk is mase umur 12 or 13 lebih kurang. Tapi mase kekecik mesti ade demam teruk kan. Tak pernah tanya ma. Teheee. Padahal hentah ma tak tido jage time aku demam kekcik dolu, boleh aku lupe. Huuu.

Then my 2^nd is October 2013, mase aku 1^st year kat sini. Due to diarrhea. And it lasted for about 10 days tak silap. Then 2 weeks later, aku demam lagi. Ibu Bale called it as ‘demam tampak.’ And I guess it literally means ‘demam yang nampak’ since my whole body penuh dengan rashes. I sent pictures to ma and she started to worry a lot. She even said that she wants to come here, to look after me. She afraid that it was dengue. And yeahh, doctor suspected me to have dengue. But the blood test said no. Yihhuu. Girang gumbira.

Alhamdulillah sebab aku susah demam. Sebab bile demam, I can be quite 'manja'. Biase la. Tak biase demam-demam ni. So jadi ngade sikit. Ahaks. No la. Cuma somehow bersyukur sebab tak de la ma susah hati sangat aku kat sini kan.

Since my housemates semua dah kena denggi, still ma risau jugak kalau aku pun kena jugak. So ma advised me to drink a lot-lot-lot-lot of water. Preferably isotonic. At this moment, I reaaaally miss 100 plus. That’s my fav drink. But unfortunately, they don’t have it here. I remember that I’ve bought it once at Bale Mart. But I couldn’t find it anywhere else. And I’m to lazy to go to bale just to have a bottle of 100 plus. Wahaha.

All I can say. Wahaha.

I think I wanna have my beauty sleep today after 3 nights tido atas sofa klinik. And ulang alik jage Shu dengan Zura. Bilik bersebelahan je, tapi make me penat jugak la sikit. Malam je aku terus krohh krohh. Aku jenis yang boleh campak je la mane-mane and I can sleep like there’s no tomorrow dah. So aku no hal je tido atas sofa. Tapi still I miss my bantal, my katil, my selimut and of course my BULET the most. Dude, it’s not bullet okeh. Insha Allah dalam next entry aku introducekan Bulet since sekarang dia tengah tido. And aku tak nak ganggu mase tidur Bulet. Sebab dia selalu tak cukup tidur.

Meanwhile aku stay kat Klinik UNPAD (KliPAD), I’m done with #DIAgnosis 2. Hehe. Took quite some time untuk aku start bace. This book kitorang kirim kat Kak Khad mase Dr Beni datang Jakarta untuk promotion or somewhat similar I guess. Then bile dah dapat, this book jadi hiasan rak aku je. Dengan plastiknya tak berbukak lagi. And I don’t even sempat bace ulasan kat belakang. Sempat tengok cover depan, then there you go. Berminggu kat atas rak.

And this entry is somekind my review bout that book la. Hehe. At first bile Kak Amnah tanya best tak, and my answer is like .. “Err, boleh la kot. Far from my expectation sebenarnya.” Padahal baru bace 3 helai. Ko memang kan Ika. And then bile makin lame aku bace, I can’t stop. Aku kepit je buku tu, nak bace je. Then the last story from Dr Aizat really make me shed my tears. Not just Dr. Aizat’s je, tapi almost semua cerita memang make me cry like a baby. From Dr Anwar Fazal and his darling fiancée Dr Fatin Liyana, Dr Mahyuddin, Dr Mafeitz, Dr Azah and her hubby Dr Aizat, last but not least Dr Beni.

Recommended! This book not just untuk those yang involved in medicine je. Sesuai untuk bacaan ebelibody.

Then I realized that DIAgnosis 2 ni not just a novel written by doctors to share about their medical life. To share things that motivate them. But this book itself is like a motivational book. It drives you to be better. To make the right things. Not to make things right.

I’m a future doctor, Insha Allah. And this book really opens my eyes tentang reality of a doctor’s life. It is not about fame. It is not about being rich. It is not just about helping people. It is about you yourself jugak. The biggest challenge you have to face is that yourself.

There’s time yang aku rase nak give up. Aku rase penat belajar. Aku malas. Aku compare dengan kawan aku yang dapat belajar things yang dorang suke. Lagi aku nak give up bile orang kate medical student ni nerd. Medical doctors pulak takde life. Medical doctor even tak kenal istilah tidur, makan, shopping.

If makan, tidur, shopping, watch movies, hanging out with friends, manja2 with mom and dad, makan sedap-sedap macam nak pecah perut are what you call LIFE is, then yes! Maybe they, the doctors don’t have life. But kalau definition life is to appreciate the past, live the present and prepare for the future, then the doctors have the biggest meaning of life compared to any of you.

Mase aku nak ambik medic dulu, bukan aku tak dengar there’s some people yang persoalkan. You know, we humans (mostly Malaysians, to be more specific, Malays) were born with satu perasaan bernama DENGKI. Ade dengki yang baik, contoh macam dengki gila tengok kawan rajin belajar then kite termotivated untuk belajar jugak. Dengki kawan pandai masak sampai kita sanggup ambik kelas masak sebab nak masak jugak. Bukan untuk show off la. Tapi to be better.

Tapi dengki yang kite selalu ade ni bile kite tengok orang lebih daripada kita. Bile kite tengok orang rajin belajar, then kite condemn that person. Kite kate dia poyo je study lelebih. Bile kite tengok orang baik hati, rajin tolong orang, kite kate dia bajet bagus. Nak orang puji. Typical us.

Mase orang tahu yang aku dapat medic, they all like .. “Betol ke nak ambik medic ni? Doktor takde life kot.” And .. “It’s not worth it untuk jadi doktor la. Ko keje siang malam, tak makan, tak tido, tapi gaji tak berbaloi sangat pun dengan penat lelah.” And .. “Anak pak cik keje MA. Dia kate jadi doktor takde la bagus mane pun.” (and my ma terus jawab to this pakcik. “Anak kerja MA ke doktor sebenarnya?”). Ask me mane aku dapat trait cakap lepas aku ni. Hihuuu.

Yeahhh. That’s the things yang aku kena face even right before aku jejak kaki kat sini lagi. The fact that aku pun sebenarnya still battle with my own self buat aku hesitate. But my ma soothed me by saying, “Jangan dengar sangat cakap orang ni, Ika. Orang ni banyak dengki. Tapi yang nak jadi doktor nanti bukan diorang, tapi Ika kan. Awal-awal lagi kena la sabar dengan orang. Kalau tak macamana nak handle pesakit nanti.”

Despite all those negative things I’ve heard, some give me positive comments like, “Perghhh, nanti kawan aku ade doktor la sorang. Beruntung aku. Nanti sakit, boleh la aku pergi klinik ko kan.” And my siblings, “Haa, Dr Ika. Nanti ade doktor kat rumah ni, senang la sikit.” And my teachers are like .. “Wan dapat medic ke? Kat mane? Alhamdulillah. Belajar elok-elok tau. Nanti cikgu sakit ke ape ke, boleh la awak yang rawat cikgu.”

And yeahh, at some point, perkara macam ni buat aku motivated. Yepp, Insha Allah, I’ll be the 1^st doctor in my family. Hopefully adik akan ikut jejak aku. Yess, she did actually said she wants to be a doctor from the very 1^st she knows how to read. And perhaps my niece, my nephews, my children. Uikss? And aku rase macam even tak dapat balas jase parents aku, family aku, at least I can help them. Sakit diorang, I know what to do kan. The eager untuk help my family, keep on buat aku motivated jugak kadang-kadang.

Ma ade hypertension. And aku rase macam yeahh, I need to study more pasal hypertension. I need to know ape yang ma boleh makan, ape yang ma tak boleh makan. Doktor bagi ma ubat ape. Ade tak side effect. And bile abah ade rib fracture and vertebral injury dulu, aku bukak all those doctor’s notes. Aku tengok satu2 report pasal abah. Aku tengok X-ray abah. Cause I want to know what happened to abah from a doctor’s view. Not as a daughter’s view. And how to make abah better.

Bile Aten has some problems pasal skin dia, kebetulan aku dalam sistem DMS sekarang, so aku research sikit pasal meds yang might help her. Kak Jie pernah tanya aku something bout her urine colour that have gone weird. And for sure I don’t really know bout that. So I opened up my book, I did some googling and I explained it to her what might happened to her system. With an advice, go seek medical care.

Because I know, that is my responsibility. I need to help my family.

Mase interview dulu, the interviewer asked me what is the reason I chose medicine. Why do I wanna be a doctor? They most fatigue, busiest career ever.

And my answer is, “Because I wanna help people (skema jawapan). You know the feeling when you see sick people, you wanna help them but you just don’t know how to. You afraid that you might make things worse. And at the end, you will just stand aside. Let people help them. With little regrets inside you. Why can’t you help them? Why can’t you do something? The feeling of useless, make me wanna study medicine, and become a doctor.”

Yepp, jawapan tu came from my own me. I didn’t fake it. I want to help people. But I don’t know if medicine is the right path for me. I mean, kalau aku ambik forensic, I can still help people. Kalau aku ambik psychology, I can still help people. Kan..

Tapi here I am now. Aku dah belajar untuk redha dengan ape yang Allah nak bagi kat aku. I believe that Allah dah prepare something great for me in the future. If only aku sabar je till the day come.

And actually, the more I think, Ika, being a doctor (in the future I mean), it’s not just about you helping people. Not just you struggling siang malam to treat people. In fact, sekarang pun macam tu. It’s not just about ko gigih belajar siang malam, nak lulus exam, nak cepat-cepat jadi doktor sebab nak help people. Allah sedang ajar ko something Ika. Right now. Right this moment. In fact in every moment. Allah sedang tunjuk bukti cinta dia kat ko Ika. Kat seorang hamba yang futur ni.

Allah datangkan orang-orang kat sekeliling ko, ade sebabnya. Allah datangkan masalah kat ko, ade sebabnya. Allah letakkan ko kat sini, belajar medic kat sini, ade sebabnya. Allah turunkan ujian berupa sakit kat kawan ko, ade sebabnya. Bukan cume untuk dorang, tapi untuk yourself. Dan bile Allah datangkan kesusahan dalam hati ko, pun ade sebabnya. Sebab? Allah ‘jealous’ ko selalu dengan dunia. Allah tak nak ko lupakan Dia sebab dunia Ika.

And Allah akan buat macam-macam untuk cuit hati ko Ika. It’s either dalam bentuk kesenangan atau bentuk kesusahan.

And the fact that aku sekarang kat sini, as a medical student, a muslimah, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and most importantly a caliph and a servant yang still berperang dengan rase malas, rase hesitate, rase incomplete, rase nak marah, rase tak puas hati, rase annoying and rase helpless is the way Allah is showing something to you, Ika.

If only kau bukak mate and see Allah’s mercy. Kau akan tahu, Ika. Kau akan faham..

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Thanks for reading..